I like being in control, which explains why I don’t like drinking or doing drugs. I feel that puts me in a vulnerable state, which gives me anxiety just to think about that. I’ve noticed that as the years pass by, the harder it gets for me to let go and just be carefree… I just can’t.

I don’t know how I became this way, and I don’t know how to stop feeding this monster. 

I’ve set goals to be more “carefree”, whatever that means. I just want to not have the worst social anxiety, but enjoy being out and about…is that too much to ask for?